Am I really that kind of person?

Am I very unsociable?  Am I unfriendly? Am I unapproachable?

Am I really that kind of person?

It's 12:23am, and here I am lying on my bed awake when I should be sleeping .

Thought after thought after thought  occupies my mind.

I've come to realise that,little by little, I'm beginning to see what my personality is like. 

More specifically, how  I actually act towards people. 

And  it ain't gon' be pretty.

Shall we begin? 

I've just recently realised how unapproachable I may seem.

Usually I feel that I'm actually a  friendly  person.

But I guess not.

When I'm alone, I'm scared of people. 

But, when I'm in a group, I'd act crazy as much as I want to be.

Let's say, for example, I'm with a group of friends,  and another close friends walk  by us,

we' d bombard that friend with a hell lot of greetings. 

However, if I'm alone, and I see that friend,

my face is automatically glued to my phone screen.

Don't get me wrong, no no. 

I don't hate that friend ( or anyone in particular, never  really found a reason to hate people)

but, I kind of fear communication with others, especially with small talk.

I can never seem to continue a conversation properly.

Not because I don't want to, but I just can't.

I do not know how, honestly,

So back to the point,  I feel like I'm a very unfriendly person now.

Many people love to say " I'm friendly! I won't bite! " ( yes, very cliché, I know)

But that sentence right there? 

Yeah,  it doesn't apply to me,

Because I do not think I'm that friendly,

I kind of only have a few super close friends and  its either I'm always with them, or alone.

There is no in between,

To the people who are very sociable and  so fun to be with,

yeah, I envy you people.

I can never get myself to be so, 

positive, outgoing  and lively.

Most of the time I look cold because I may, MAY, act cold.

I kind of am used to being alone. 

No big deal.

I get if if you want to be with other people'

cause I'll probably bore you with my  conversation killer  personality.

No big deal.

But what IS a big deal, is  that, I've never felt so negative  in my life.

Is this how I'm going to be for the rest of my life? 

Am  I  gonna keep being an unsociable conversation killer? 

Am I goin to beury myself in my own hole again? 

I don't want to go back there anymore.

I guess, 

it just happens, huh?

Well, what I do know is, 

I'm just going through a phase. Its'll end soon, Adrianne.

You can continue living your life.

I'm sorry for not posting for like 7 months!
I've been busy! ( actually, I've just been lazy HAH )
I kind of wanted to say this  issue, but I don't want to say it to someone,
Feels very attention seeking.
So I guess, I resorted to this.
If doesn't make any sense, its okay,
my brain was always messed up hah.
x