Rewinding time

Yes, I'm back with another blog post that didn't take 7 months to post this. HAH.

Okay, on to the topic - rewinding time.

I got this so called "inspiration" and sudden "motivation" to do this topic

(for those who know me, I'm R E A L lazy so this is a M I R A C L E)

Why? Because I wanted to go back to the past when I was a child.

For what reason exactly? I wanted to show more love and appreciation towards my parents.

I'm not particularly close with my parents, but hey, we do get along!

But, right now, as of being 16 years of age, 

I felt that I haven't given much thanks to them, despite the hard work they have put in for so many years and provide me with food, shelter and love.

Why now you ask?

I saw this video on Buzzfeed, 

where children would draw a picture to show their appreciation towards a specific person.

Most of them chose their parents.

And the way they expressed their gratitude towards them was just, heartwarming.

I felt happy and touched that these people have such a strong connection between them.

But, at the same time, I felt sad and regretful that I don't do these type of things with them.

I regret not mentioning how much I love them in the past and my never changing love for them now.

This is why, I want to rewind time.

I want to let my mom know I love her so much, even though we were miles apart then.

I would want to tell my dad I love him so much after a long day of work, 

at least I'd brighten his day up.

I would tell my grandmother I love her so much, for caring for us, loving us,

and being our mom and dad whenever they're both busy.

I was such a shy kid back then. 

I didn't know how to open up to people, even my parents.

But, the past is the past isn't it?

I can't rewind time,

But that doesn't mean that my appreciation towards them will stop.

I'll just make it more obvious now, right? 

I admire those kids so much.

Learning how to love and appreciate from them, 

just changed my mindset.

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On a side note (completely unrelated to the topic hehe)

EXAMINATIONS ARE FINALLY OVER.

Don't you ever get the feeling that it doesn't feel like its over?

Because I am.

BUT ITS OKAY.

TIME TO PARTY.

Kbyeguys

x

Am I really that kind of person?

Am I very unsociable?  Am I unfriendly? Am I unapproachable?

Am I really that kind of person?

It's 12:23am, and here I am lying on my bed awake when I should be sleeping .

Thought after thought after thought  occupies my mind.

I've come to realise that,little by little, I'm beginning to see what my personality is like. 

More specifically, how  I actually act towards people. 

And  it ain't gon' be pretty.

Shall we begin? 

I've just recently realised how unapproachable I may seem.

Usually I feel that I'm actually a  friendly  person.

But I guess not.

When I'm alone, I'm scared of people. 

But, when I'm in a group, I'd act crazy as much as I want to be.

Let's say, for example, I'm with a group of friends,  and another close friends walk  by us,

we' d bombard that friend with a hell lot of greetings. 

However, if I'm alone, and I see that friend,

my face is automatically glued to my phone screen.

Don't get me wrong, no no. 

I don't hate that friend ( or anyone in particular, never  really found a reason to hate people)

but, I kind of fear communication with others, especially with small talk.

I can never seem to continue a conversation properly.

Not because I don't want to, but I just can't.

I do not know how, honestly,

So back to the point,  I feel like I'm a very unfriendly person now.

Many people love to say " I'm friendly! I won't bite! " ( yes, very cliché, I know)

But that sentence right there? 

Yeah,  it doesn't apply to me,

Because I do not think I'm that friendly,

I kind of only have a few super close friends and  its either I'm always with them, or alone.

There is no in between,

To the people who are very sociable and  so fun to be with,

yeah, I envy you people.

I can never get myself to be so, 

positive, outgoing  and lively.

Most of the time I look cold because I may, MAY, act cold.

I kind of am used to being alone. 

No big deal.

I get if if you want to be with other people'

cause I'll probably bore you with my  conversation killer  personality.

No big deal.

But what IS a big deal, is  that, I've never felt so negative  in my life.

Is this how I'm going to be for the rest of my life? 

Am  I  gonna keep being an unsociable conversation killer? 

Am I goin to beury myself in my own hole again? 

I don't want to go back there anymore.

I guess, 

it just happens, huh?

Well, what I do know is, 

I'm just going through a phase. Its'll end soon, Adrianne.

You can continue living your life.

I'm sorry for not posting for like 7 months!
I've been busy! ( actually, I've just been lazy HAH )
I kind of wanted to say this  issue, but I don't want to say it to someone,
Feels very attention seeking.
So I guess, I resorted to this.
If doesn't make any sense, its okay,
my brain was always messed up hah.
x