Rewinding time

Yes, I'm back with another blog post that didn't take 7 months to post this. HAH.

Okay, on to the topic - rewinding time.

I got this so called "inspiration" and sudden "motivation" to do this topic

(for those who know me, I'm R E A L lazy so this is a M I R A C L E)

Why? Because I wanted to go back to the past when I was a child.

For what reason exactly? I wanted to show more love and appreciation towards my parents.

I'm not particularly close with my parents, but hey, we do get along!

But, right now, as of being 16 years of age, 

I felt that I haven't given much thanks to them, despite the hard work they have put in for so many years and provide me with food, shelter and love.

Why now you ask?

I saw this video on Buzzfeed, 

where children would draw a picture to show their appreciation towards a specific person.

Most of them chose their parents.

And the way they expressed their gratitude towards them was just, heartwarming.

I felt happy and touched that these people have such a strong connection between them.

But, at the same time, I felt sad and regretful that I don't do these type of things with them.

I regret not mentioning how much I love them in the past and my never changing love for them now.

This is why, I want to rewind time.

I want to let my mom know I love her so much, even though we were miles apart then.

I would want to tell my dad I love him so much after a long day of work, 

at least I'd brighten his day up.

I would tell my grandmother I love her so much, for caring for us, loving us,

and being our mom and dad whenever they're both busy.

I was such a shy kid back then. 

I didn't know how to open up to people, even my parents.

But, the past is the past isn't it?

I can't rewind time,

But that doesn't mean that my appreciation towards them will stop.

I'll just make it more obvious now, right? 

I admire those kids so much.

Learning how to love and appreciate from them, 

just changed my mindset.

.

.

.

.

.

On a side note (completely unrelated to the topic hehe)

EXAMINATIONS ARE FINALLY OVER.

Don't you ever get the feeling that it doesn't feel like its over?

Because I am.

BUT ITS OKAY.

TIME TO PARTY.

Kbyeguys

x

Am I really that kind of person?

Am I very unsociable?  Am I unfriendly? Am I unapproachable?

Am I really that kind of person?

It's 12:23am, and here I am lying on my bed awake when I should be sleeping .

Thought after thought after thought  occupies my mind.

I've come to realise that,little by little, I'm beginning to see what my personality is like. 

More specifically, how  I actually act towards people. 

And  it ain't gon' be pretty.

Shall we begin? 

I've just recently realised how unapproachable I may seem.

Usually I feel that I'm actually a  friendly  person.

But I guess not.

When I'm alone, I'm scared of people. 

But, when I'm in a group, I'd act crazy as much as I want to be.

Let's say, for example, I'm with a group of friends,  and another close friends walk  by us,

we' d bombard that friend with a hell lot of greetings. 

However, if I'm alone, and I see that friend,

my face is automatically glued to my phone screen.

Don't get me wrong, no no. 

I don't hate that friend ( or anyone in particular, never  really found a reason to hate people)

but, I kind of fear communication with others, especially with small talk.

I can never seem to continue a conversation properly.

Not because I don't want to, but I just can't.

I do not know how, honestly,

So back to the point,  I feel like I'm a very unfriendly person now.

Many people love to say " I'm friendly! I won't bite! " ( yes, very cliché, I know)

But that sentence right there? 

Yeah,  it doesn't apply to me,

Because I do not think I'm that friendly,

I kind of only have a few super close friends and  its either I'm always with them, or alone.

There is no in between,

To the people who are very sociable and  so fun to be with,

yeah, I envy you people.

I can never get myself to be so, 

positive, outgoing  and lively.

Most of the time I look cold because I may, MAY, act cold.

I kind of am used to being alone. 

No big deal.

I get if if you want to be with other people'

cause I'll probably bore you with my  conversation killer  personality.

No big deal.

But what IS a big deal, is  that, I've never felt so negative  in my life.

Is this how I'm going to be for the rest of my life? 

Am  I  gonna keep being an unsociable conversation killer? 

Am I goin to beury myself in my own hole again? 

I don't want to go back there anymore.

I guess, 

it just happens, huh?

Well, what I do know is, 

I'm just going through a phase. Its'll end soon, Adrianne.

You can continue living your life.

I'm sorry for not posting for like 7 months!
I've been busy! ( actually, I've just been lazy HAH )
I kind of wanted to say this  issue, but I don't want to say it to someone,
Feels very attention seeking.
So I guess, I resorted to this.
If doesn't make any sense, its okay,
my brain was always messed up hah.
x

To a certain extent

Everybody has limitations. 

Some may have smaller limitations than other, but the thing is, 

EVERY BODY HAS THEM.

Recently, I've been almost pushed past my own limitations.

Every single time, I'm getting insulted

and being the extremely sensitive person I am,

I can't always pretend that I'm okay.

People has feelings too 

some can hold back their emotions stronger, 

some people ( like me )

CAN'T.

Don't push people if you know they can't handle it.

Joking is fine, teasing is fine

just don't push too much.

You will never know, that girl who doesn't talk much,

then constantly gets teased,

could explode sooner or later. Not literally though.

Sometimes, people don't understand you, and they just assume what you're thinking.

That's the thing I hate the most.

Stop acting like you know me and assume my thoughts like how you see me.

My personality is me.

My attitude towards you, is another story.

I've been irritated easily and always fighting with myself.

Well, for this week actually.

I've cried three times at night in this week, explaining why this is the worst week I had, 

in my whole entire life.

I don't cry very often, but it seems off this week.

Why? Because of my limitations.

I couldn't handle it anymore. I've just been constantly fighting with my ownself,

knowing that I would hurt myself, even though I do not want to.

That's my weakness.

My limitations has its own certain extent. 

So does yours.

I can't say I've learned to be stronger, just cause of a few tears,

but I can say that, my mindset was wrong.

Without people, constantly reminding me of what was wrong and right,

I wouldn't know what to do.

Aaaaand of course, I cried again, since I felt so special to them.

Thank you so much, I love you guys.

Know other people's limitations, also, YOURSELF.

There's always a certain extent where they will explode, and that's one thing you don't ever

EVER, want to see.

Try not to hurt yourself as well. 

I said try, because I know its not easy to do it instantly. 

Baby steps, baby steps.

Know yourself well.

.

.

.

.

Happy March 2nd to everybody x 

I haven't been updating much, well because of this emotions I was feeling.

Well, stay fabulous x

Valentine's Day

So I haven't posted in quite a while, and since its Valentine's day, happy valentine's day people! Whoop whoop!

Well, i can't talk about my valentine, because frankly, I don't have one. Mer.

But its fine, I got my girlfriends with me the whole day yay! 

Its so nice to see all the couples around everywhere carrying a box of chocolates, heart shaped balloons and adorable stuff toys, like who wouldn't want that?

Probably the best feeling on valentines day is receiving presents from 

secret admirers (not like I've gotten one before). But its sweet, that one person who actually

thinks of you and gives you a present, like awwwwwww.

Surprises are also great, you know? Because I don't know.

That special someone who surprises you with a dinner date. 

I would want that to happen someday, its really a thoughtful gesture.

C'mon, all girls dream to have it at one point in their life.

Well, not forgetting all the singles out there, its okay, don't need to be upset!

We'll have fun with our own friends, it doesn't always have to be our other half right?

I was slightly upset today since people around me has their other half, well, I'm a girl,

I tend to feel that way. But I shouldn't right? I should be happy for other people

and stop being so negative.

I just love the Valentine's Day spirit. Everybody's giving letters, little gifts and chocolates, and its heart warming to know that the other people appreciate you and thinks of you.

Isn't it?

Well this year, I feel guilty, since I didn't write cards. I'm such a lazy asshole, I know.

I gave one present to my secret valentine and of course received one from mine.

Well, for next year, I promise to make cards for people, oops.

To all the couples out there, stay together and happy ,

for all the singles, party with your friends like hello? 

This is just a short update, since my blog seems like its going to die.

Happy Valentine's ♡

You're special

Hey, what's up? So, I still have a few more blog posts which are WAY overdue, but I can't seem to figure out how to work my camera. Oops, sorry, I'm a noob. Back to the point, this post is dedicated to someone who I guess, means alot to me?

Let's go, amigos. ( That rhymed, so clap for me )

.

.

.

So, this friend of mine, is a really great friend to have. 

He's the best textbuddy I ever had, I guess..? We share a lot of secrets with each other, and its a difficult thing to do since we're the opposite gender and we choose not to really spill out information about ourselves to them much, right?

But, no. The kind of trust I have with this person, is pretty strong hmm. 

So I guess, I can trust him without any problems.

And the way we converse could get me laughing and probably make me become a psychologist in a matter of seconds. Literally. Our topics can range from crushes to gifts and ( believe it or not ) RAPE. If it's offensive to anyone, I apologise, but we were just kidding, okay? :)

For your information, we DO NOT have dirty imaginations, we have SEXY imaginations *winkwink*

C'mon, all those people with sexy imaginations, you feel me don't ya? ;)

Put your hands in the air, and wave them like you just don't care!

"HEY YOU IN THE CORNER, I SAW YOU CARING."

Okay, I'm lame, sorry.

So, back to the point, since we have such interesting topics, our conversations normally end up, never stopping. One thing, I totally like. 
If you don't like these kinds of situations, you're weird.

Other than these funny situations, we have our "emo" moments as well.
We'd share feelings with each other and give advices. Yeah, its pretty simple like that.

He's the type of person who's pretty interesting, if you start a conversation with him.
He's a gemini and I KNOW, Gemini's would never stop talking, but they make this Pisces girl's life more interesting hmmm? :) 

And since I see him almost everyday in school, that company means alot to me.
We'd show each other ugly faces and I like to hit him alot. Really, ALOT. 
You're an easy target and you don't get angry easily, so that's why I like to hit you, but you should know that already. Mer.

I know you may feel irritated with me sometimes, and you'd feel bored when I'm hyper.
But its fine, people has those days too. 

You should know who you are, you little shit. Thank you for handling my bullshit stories and making me laugh and thank you for being such a great person to talk to. 
I could never thank you enough in whatsapp, or even in blogging, since all the things you said to me were memorable things.

Thank you for handling my annoying, hyperactive moments, when I'm feeling bored, or when I hit you alot. I'm sorry for that time when I went overboard.. 
Won't happen again, I promise x

And I feel extremely honoured, that I'm the person whom you trust the most.

And if you're wondering why I'm typing this now, its cause of two reasons. One, you keep pestering me about making another blogpost ( it's done now ) And two, I haven't talked to you, cause you're away and I want to talk to you :( 

So, you better feel special you idiot. Be happy I didn't mention your name, but really, thanks alot :)

If any of my readers can relate to this, well, I feel you too bruh. Or sis. Mer.
Okay, bye bye x

Follow my Twitter (@Adriannnee)
and Instagram (@Adriannneeyy)

Don't I matter anymore?

This is a follow up from the previous blog post. Seems like I've been having rough days consecutively. If you haven't read my previous blog post, click here.

So, let us begin my second bad day. 

I feel very useless as of now. What's the point of me, if no one ever listens. 

Am I doing my job right? Because I'm not sure myself. Yes, I posted about my Inse"cure"ities, but let me rant for a while, kay? If you don't want to read on, its fine by me.

I feel like I'm easily ignored. People don't care about me at all. Its like my opinion doesn't matter. I feel so frustrated that all I can do is cry. I haven't cried so much in my life except for the year 2013 - where I think I cried the most.

I'm just, really tired ( excuses teenagers like me, gives ). I'm just surviving, not living. I think its been too damn long since I've actually been happy. I am grateful to what good things God has given me every single day. BUT, it also worries me that I am not able to handle my own self. Why am I so weak?

I can't even stand up for myself. I might as well be invisible and be free.

I just wish people would just listen to me for once, it wouldn't kill them, right?

What would you do if you felt like me right this moment? Some would probably just break down and cry, and maybe some wouldn't even be bothered to do anything.

I want to make a difference somehow. I don't want to be that girl who's just... meh.

I want people to respect me, even if its a little. I know I have to gain their respect first, but won't you feel frustrated too if they don't respect you at all, even though you're giving it your all?

I just can't take it anymore. Months and months feeling this way. I just can't escape from it.

I have been changing, but there's no participation from other people, how are we able to do it together. 

I couldn't take it anymore, I just started to cry because I felt unappreciated. Am I not needed? Because I'll be fine just to walk away from your life. Really. It seems that I'm 

pretty insignificant to you.

No matter how nice I am, how hard I try to please people, it just doesn't work, does it? I'm always the one getting pushed away like I'm nothing. And, I still don't choose to give up. Because I hate it when someone's upset. 

How ironic huh? I dislike seeing someone upset, yet I'm allowing myself to be. 

We'll just see what happens for the next few days, if it gets better, then good, but if it isn't, wasn't expecting it to be anyways.

Moody moody.

Feeling real tired here guys.

Its just after school and I feel like I haven't slept in days. 

Eyes droopy, no energy to even walk and probably the only thing I can do is put my head down.

Everybody has those moody times, right? Where you just feel really emotionless and the atmosphere surrounding you is not helping at all. I am easily affected by how one's attitude is. If they are happy, I'll be happy as well and if they're moody, you guys get the point.

I feel so tired and useless now. Like if anyone just screamed at me right at this moment, I wouldn't even budge a single muscle. 

I'm not usually like this. And I hate this feeling so much. I want to be the person where everybody enjoys hanging out with or making fun of. But, seems like I ain't that girl today.

Why am I irritated so easily? Or stressed, when school just started. I just want to be happy, that's all.

I was quite hyper in the morning, but seems like my mood is being wonky today. 

Oh well, just wanted to voice this out abit. And if you're my section, SECRETLY, reading my blog, hey what's up Damien & Dylon. Just gave you a shout out there.

I'll update with a longer blog post next time, I promise x

 .

 .

 .

 .

Follow my twitter : @Adriannnee

Follow my intsagram: @Adriannneeyy 

x